Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Hope and the Setting Sun part 1

Why someone enters into a love affair with another is beyond me.  Besides procreating, monogamous relationships are quite pointless and most often personally destructive. There is evidence co-dependent behaviors, ungrounded anger and insecurities, sub conscious games and personal clashes that have little or nothing to do with the actual relationship. Two rational people, who might have everything they could ever want, still choose to seek out a companion and try and make something work that almost always hurts both people involved. This is a strange behavior. I guess the pay off is high. I guess the companionship, the feeling of no longer being lonely, someone to talk to, someone to wake up with, someone to keep the bed warm, someone to build a dream with, is worth the trade off. I once believe that love is enough. I once believed that if I did everything in my power to love myself and love another then I would be fulfilled. I once thought I could love someone even if they thought themselves unlovable.  I once believed in the magic of love, I could again one day but not until I am done telling this story.
Cas and Julia met with no real romance. It was summer; it was a time of great change and travel in both their lives. It was time of loneliness, uncertainty and young panic in Cas’ life. It was a time of transition, planning and recovery in Julia’s life. Both had finished school, both where riddled in debt, both had no money, no real direction. Both had seen a lot. Cas was younger by half a decade. He was just freed from a life of dramatic deaths. Julia had just finished with her decade of schooling, she was finally free from abuse, panic and a world of self-pitying adults. Cas was just figuring out the world around him, he was young, eager and suffering from mild posttraumatic stress disorder. Julia wanted to set roots, build a home, and start a family.  Cas was ready for soft, young mild infatuation; Julia was ready for a partner.
Their courtship was slow. Cas could not handle getting hurt so he kept Julia at arms length. Julia let her heart run wild and would follow Cas around in hopes he would notice her. Cas was open and willing to share. He would offer Julia anything he had and Julia took him up on his offerings. Julia would introduce Cas to people in the community, people she had known for a while. They got to know each other deeply and for a few months a friendship blossomed into a deep connection. They where falling in love, the old fashioned way. This suited Cas more then Julia. IT was not a perfect courting but it was a kind one.

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