Monday, 28 January 2013

Mahalo Bones

It is my new practice to fill my bones with gratitude.

It is my life practice to find every hidden shadow of anger, resentment, guilt, shame, complaint, displeasure and trade it all for gratitude.

I choose to be a walking gratitude garden

Spring up flowers of appreciation

soil full with reverence

baring fruit of acceptance, love, deep love

I have lived with pain and displeasure. I have learned their lessons. I do not need them anymore.

IT is time I learn all I can from living the life of my dreams

and the life on my dream will be built on bones filled with gratitude

I am Dreamhawk

I am filled to the bone with gratitude

------Listen to new song here Listen to them Bones ------------------

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Out of cell, internet, tech range

Hello my dear friends,

I will be out of tech range for the next 3 days. I am part of a one year intensive program called the Way of the Circle. This is a collective project of many experienced circle practitioners, healers, energy workers, shamans, yogis, kind hearted souls and more.

We are trying to learn more about how to practice community healing in a non-hierarchical, everyone is equal, all voices are equal, honoring what is kind of way.

It is beautiful and I have learned so much from this experience.

I will be back on Sunday night with a report of the weekend.

In the mean time, if you feel called, I invite you to look over my old posts and pick your favorite.

email it to me at

Tell me why you like it. The winner, the person who entertains me the most, will get a 1 hr consult with me to help them with anything from diet, herbal formulas, organization, life issues, spiritual issues or anything. I will give them an hour of my time.

So what do you think.....

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Witch Doctor House Call: Ferocious heart

I get impatient.

Not like I'm standing in a line too long impatient, but more like there is no excuse for such fear impatient.

I know everyone has their own path, and I know that we are all learning lessons at our own pace, I know judging is bad medicine and I know that I never know the whole picture.

Some times though it pisses me off to see people, who have everything they need at their finger tips to effect brilliant change in their communities, come up with excuse not to make that change.

The fear associated with change has to go. It is time. Change is happening. No one can stop it. Being afraid of change is like being afraid of oxygen.

WE need more brave souls, I need more brave souls to step up and really start to make change. There are a lot of you out there already. There are FAR to many who have what they need to make change; education, knowledge, training, a community worth fighting for, health, love, enough money to barely get by, two legs, one leg, no leg.... hell EVERYONE has what they need to make change happen.

OK there are no excuses
Everyone can effect change

What are we waiting for?????

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Things I do everyday

1. I write, obviously or you would not be reading this.
2. I eat. Ive tried fasting but I really love food.
3. I breath. And I am grateful for it
4. I am grateful. And I am healthier for it
5. I sleep.
6. I pee.
7. I talk, sing and make noises
8. I sit
9. I stand. Physically and for something
10. I check in with myself. My hearts desires, my needs and my inner voice
11. I meditate
12. I laugh. I will not go a day without it
13. Have sex. Might be too much in some cultures beliefs but hell with it, I am having fun
14. Have fun
15. Stop and look at something in nature
16. Drink Tea
17. Listen to music
18. Walk
19. reflect on the inner working of the universe and how it is all in perfect balance and that it is a wonder and a miracle that I am alive and HUGE gift to be able to be here and now.
20. Drink Water

Wow, how the fuck do i find time to do anything else.

21. Oh ya, I fuckin swear. What a ridiculous concept to think of some words being worse then others for no reason. No one I know really knows the history of fuck or shit, or ass. Why do we give so much wait to those words?

22. I rant. Sorry for all those who had to hear it. I love to rant.

23. Check my cell phone... not proud of this one

24. Say i love you to someone

25. Hear i love you from another

This is a busy day but there is so much more that I do everyday. There is so much time in the day... I do hope you enjoy it

--------- If this post has any spelling mistakes please repost it to your social media account of choice.------------

Monday, 21 January 2013

To my readers

Thank you for your support.

I deeply appreciate seeing so many readers every day. I am honored.

For those who follow regularly, they know I have been writing my book.

I want to share a bit of it with you.... Be aware it needs work. It is raw and a little thin but it is where I am at and I have not held back in this blog before.

The south wind dusted the lush field with dandelion seeds. This was Sam’s favorite time of year.  Late summer, no bugs, long hot days, cool nights. The stars would dance at night and Sam would join them, spinning until he was too dizzy to go on. He would lie on the ground in the field of long dried grass, starring at the universe not in wonder but in appreciation.
Sam loved being alive. He loved being present in this time. The smell of the air, the feeling of the soft wind on his face, the chill of the ground under him, it all made his heartbeat strong, his eye open wide, his spirit free.
There are people who glide through their life unnoticed. They seem to be always on the fringe. No ones soul mate, no ones best friend. They are just there. Sam was one of these people. He was not alone, at least he did not feel alone. He was just, well, himself.
When Sam was a young boy he spent a great deal of time looking out the window in his classrooms. Teachers thought there was something wrong with Sam. ADD, autism, asbergers syndrome were the common diagnosis that Sam was told he might have. Sam was tested regularly and by many old men. Sam could not care less about tests or what his teachers or other people thought. Sam was in love.
Sam loved this world from the first day he was born. He had a vivid recollection of his birth. He had spent a month in an ashram in Nepal a fe years ago in a silent meditation retreat. No talking for 40 days. Somewhere in that time Sam got his memory of his birth, or at least this is how he thinks it happened.
He remembered the bright lights first. Then he remembered the cold hands of the doctor or nurse, he could not tell which. He seemed to get stuck on why it was so bright and cold. There were noises and he kept moving around. People where passing him around.
Sam remembered the first time he met his mother. Sam had a great mother. A stressed out mess of a mother, but a great one. She gave all she had, even if she was a little lacking in extra fuel. Sam’s mother was always giving it all.  She was soft, very observant, over worked and under supported.
She had created a safe life for Sam, filled with the wonders of the world. Sam was a happy boy for the most part. He missed being held, touched and physically loved, but he was fed, warm, stimulated, and cared for. He grew up stable and strong.
Lying on the grassy field, pondering the brilliance of the universe Sam was once again thinking of his youth. How had he been so lucky? There were no wars or guns, no hunger or disease, there was a peace in his world that few humans had ever experienced. He grew up in a peaceful, prosperous time. 

If you like this or any other post, please share it. I am deeply appreciative of spreading my crazy rants to a larger audience.... if you dont like it, well share it anyway....

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Sacred Writtings: Judgement is fear

How does one exist and hear the thoughts of others. Not the simple toughts of what to do next, but their deep down pains? If you could see the deep secrets of everyone you meet, how does that change the way you communicate with people?

In my world, I have learned how to see those dark secrets and I have learned (and still learning) how to honor that knowledge. I do not wish to push my impression of your dark secrets onto you or anyone. I just want to be present, loving and the most authentic self I can be. The more I do those three things, that more I tend to help others release their fears.

I am really learning that dealing with my fears is the best way I can  honor you. If I release my fears, i have no need for judgement. Judgement is a kind of fear.

I am seeing that your darkest fears, that you try do hard to hide are no worse then anyone elses. They are all equally tough to carry around and can be deflated by sharing them and being honest with yourself.

SO i guess what I am saying is be kind. Be kind to yourself, relax. Whatever it is that you fear, the other people in the room fear something just as much.

The common ways of dealing with our most inner fear.

1. Some know it and hide it
2. Some push it so far down they do not even know
3. Some are OK with it, some fight it
4 . Some confront it
5.  Some run from it
6. Some wear it with pride.
7. Some play poor me
8. Some find peace

How ever you deal with your deepest fears, enjoy it.

Remember that fear is not the absence of courage. It is a step towards courage. Courage is nothing more then finding peace with something you fear. Without fear you would have nothing to find peace with.

Fear is the starting point. Peace is the ending point. The journey in between..... well that is the fun part.

If you like this or any other post, please share it. I am deeply appreciative of spreading my crazy rants to a larger audience.... if you dont like it, well share it anyway....

Saturday, 19 January 2013


Bananas and butterscotch

Apples and Apricots

Why do we spend time trying to figure things out

Have we not learned yet that there is no end to looking.

There is no reason to look outside of oneself for answers.

You will find them but all the answers you find on the outside will just lead you back to the inside.

Might as well stop looking out

and start looking in.

It is truly where all the answers lay

Aspens and Zoos

Quiet and Round.

La di da... nothing is real. All is an illusion. We are only the creators of out illusion.....

Oooops did I just say that?????

Crap I mean....

Ah fuck, who cares

I believe this is all an illusion and that we are the creators of it. WE actually have the power to change the illusion. It does not change overnight. It takes time and hard work, but you can change ANYTHING in your life. There is nothing that is beyond change. Everything is possible when trying to change oneself as long as you account for the time and hard work.

The only thing change needs to exist is patience in self and determination of self. After that it will just happen.

GO ahead prove me wrong. Try it. You can change anything in your life... give it a try.

Or keep living in your illusion.... if it is what you want.....

Is it though?

I hope so, I am living in the life I want. And it is not easy, but it is wonderful. I love it and I struggle through it. But I love my life and that is all I was every trying to do.

I love life,

I love life.

Good night

What ifs

Fucking hell, I hate what ifs. I have taken the plunge of focusing myself to make sure my days are healthy, strong, supportive and that I am present. I eat well, I get to my yoga mat, I take my herbal supplements, I love everyone I meet in my day, I stand tall, I drink nice teas and plenty of good water.

The "What Ifs" are a waste of my time and energy. What if the house burns down... well its not burnt down, I will deal with it if it does. What if you run out of money... well I will make some more. What if you get sick... then I get healthy or I get sicker either was I still love.

Last night I was taken to task. I awoke in the middle of the night by hundreds of what ifs running through my brain. I am not exaggerating. Every possible "what if" I could come up with I had to confront.

You know what... they are all full of shit. The only "what if" worth my time is - what if I actualize my dream.....

All the other fear based ones can be left for another day. I put stock into what I can control and let go of those things that I can not.

Friday, 18 January 2013


Wake up!!!!

The time is coming and fast.

We need to focus

We need to focus now

The real enemy is distractions

Wherever they come from

Whatever the look like

We need to focus

We need to focus now

Deep breath

Pay attention

Know your intention


Keep on keeping on

Keep on track




You made it.

Welcome to your dream

All you needed was a little focus.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Do you know who your fighting against part 2

It is not in the battle against government, big business or "the man". It is the battle of what is keeping us from connecting with our neighbors and building a community.

The greatest downfall of our world is that we do not have strong communities. We need to build together and build them strong. We need to look at our neighbors, get to know them so we can know where to help them. We need to know where we need help and learn to ask for it.

It is not about emptying your bank account so someone else can pay off their bills. It is not about giving every bit of spare time to help someone else relax.

It is about knowing where you ar in abundance and sharing that abundance. It is about honoring the abundance of others by being careful with their givings.

I have a dear friend, Greg, that has taught me how to honor giving. Every time I have gone to his castle to help him build or move or paint or whatever, he is ready to go the second I get there. He is organized, prepared and willing to teach. He gives by honoring my time and I give by being present and able to work. It is a trade that benefits us both.

If you want to effect change then practice working with your community. It takes skill and it takes time but it is far more rewarding then fighting big powers and far more effective at creating change in this world.

It is the little acts of kindness that bring on a happy world

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Do you even know who your fighting against???

Today I had a dear friend share a person experience where she went to an Idle No More gathering and realized a profound lesson of her heritage. It was moving and beautiful and really a very important piece of writing for me. She shared openly what I have felt for years is the point of revolutions. To change ourselves.

Fight the man? Who the fuck is the man? The "man" is anyone we give power over to. When we take it back and live our lives in harmony, with love and forgiveness, learning to trust, building communities and so much more, there is no "man". There is only us.

When we picket, or petition or seek change, really we are paving the way for self change. It is not in fighting the higher power that will change anything. If we dethrone the king another will arise to take their place.

We have to not need the king. Not look at them with anything but the same eyes we look at our neighbor. WE have to treat ourselves and everyone around us like a king. We have to eliminate the word king.

It is through the eyes of a peaceful heart that real change will take place.

I am not Idling No More. I am working hard and every day to create a more peaceful heart within. Its the only way I know to really effect change.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

How to make a dirty bathing suit

Alas dear readers I am about to bestow upon you one manly drink. This is not for the faint of tasters. It is a drink that is for those who can picture what it is like to eat a leather belt because you are lost in the forest with nothing else to eat.

Take one cup of hot Lapsang Souchong tea, brewed strong.
Take one shot of whiskey, the cheaper the better
Take one teaspoon of honey.

Mix together and serve in a chipped mug.


Monday, 14 January 2013

Adventuring within....

I had just rolled into Calgary the night before, I got a ride from a kind, simple trucker from Crows Nest pass, about 2 hours out of Calgary. I was looking to visit with my Aunt, my fathers cousin, who i had never met before. My father spoke highly of her, so I was looking to build a bridge with her.

We decided that the next morning we would head out to the foothills of the Rocky Mountains for a pick-nick lunch. We packed up for the day and headed out, about a 25 minute drive.

We steeled on an unmarked trail leading up the slopes of the rolling green hills. Choose a seat on the side of one of the hills that overlooked the entire valley leading to Calgary. The sun was warm, but not hot. The wind was calm. The sky had a deep blue hue and a handfull of fluffy white clouds. THe grass smelled like sweet grass, the air was crisp. It was a beautiful afternoon, a gift to be there.

We pulled out our lunch, some cheeses, a little wine, breads and a few hand made sausages that my uncle had prepared the previous winter. Stories, laughter, playfulness ensued. I learned that my Aunt had met Grey Owl and had some art work he produced. My Uncle was an avid trader and was doing well. They both asked about my last month of Hitch Hiking around the country, which i happily shared.

I think it was at the end of the meal, the point where we are still picking, not out of hunger but just because we can not quite stop yet, that we heard a huff come from over the hilltop. We all looked up the slop to the blue sky where we spotted the silhouette of a large Mountain Goat slowly trotting over the hill.

Apparently we had dinned in the middle of the main drag for these lovely animals. As we sat there, a dozen goats snaked around us as they passed us on their way down the hill. The male lead was huge, the females where beautiful and the young goats where soft looking and cute. WE could smell their wild odors, we could hear then huffing. They ignored us and just moved on.

I have had the privilege of seen so much in my life. Adventuring is what I do best. I have seen miracles, monsters and more. It is something that I will write more about and share. Hitchhiking, moving around, walking and getting lost. It is exhausting and always an adventure.

What I have come to realize is that I do not need to adventure out into the world anymore. I have reached a point in my life that has shifted from outer adventurer to inner adventurer.

I now explore the depths of happiness. There is no dull day in the adventure of happiness and no need to push myself to hard. I explore the realms of health, feeling good in my mind, body and spirit. I wonder through the deep chasms of love, always in search of the boundaries, never finding them. I hike the mountains of meditation, inner journeys and inner exploration.

I have found a profound peace in being still, being present and being in one spot every night. The mountain goat picknick was a gift I would never trade but it took a lot to get there and to be honest, maybe too much. I am wiser now, I do not need to spend energy to get somewhere, I can be wildly challenged in my adventures in my back yard with a 4 year old. As long as I open my heart.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Manly Sex Talk: Pulling out

This is my first manifesto of the pulling out method.

There is no perfect birth control method. A lot of us are "Oops" kids. Natures whole point of sex is to procreate.

So when we choose a birth control method we have to give something to receive something. Condoms loose sensation, pill is has side effects, pulling out is tough and can lead to pregnancy, all of them are not perfect.

This is my report on pulling out method.

There are rules to my pulling out method.

1. Pull out. No excuses. Every single time pull out. If she is bleeding pull out. If she begs for you to cum in her PULL OUT!!! Unless you had a serious conversation away from the lust of the moment pull out. No excuses.

2. Pull out 5 thrusts before you cum. Not two, not three, not "just" before, but 5 thrusts.

3. Try not to cum. Work on channeling that energy back into her. Focus on her orgasm.

4. If by chance you are a little late, or you think you might have let some of the good stuff go inside of her, TELL HER! Put the shame away and own up to it. Give her the choice of what to do. Let her know.

5. Use condoms or alternatives some of the time to cum with her or to cum in her. Its nice sometimes not to worry about your timing and just be in the moment.

None of these will prevent pregnancy. They have for me that is all I am sharing. This is not the best method it is just one.

Good luck and remember... PULL OUT!!!!

Friday, 11 January 2013

2012 Album of the Year

Last year I declared Feists Metal album the album of 2011 for me.

Now on to this year. Not a strong year for music in my books. Lots of one hits, not a great deal of albums. Not to say there was nothing.

Here is to honoring the art of an entire album.

Here are my top 5.

5. Alabama Shakes - Boys and Girls  - This is a strong souther rock album that flows well with only one or two semi weak songs. A great album for late night drinking, poker, dinner making and driving. The most impressive part is the music sounds aged and as if it came from a band that has been making music for many years. Not the truth. This is a young band, young 20's and their first album....

4. Ben Howard - Every Kingdom - Great styling. Strong lyrics. Fluid songs and brilliant lyrics. I really appreciate the rawness of this album, the young but inspired lyrics. Theres a great deal of potential in Ben Howard and this album got my attention.

3. Kalle Mattson - The only thing I can say about this album is that it is too short. Really a brill9iant album and with not a great deal of music coming from Northern Ontario, it is an honor to call these guys local.

2. Voyageur - Kathleen Edwards - The only female singer in the group. I was not a fan so much of the music, it was good not great, it was the vulnerability, the push that Kathleen gave us. It was removed from previous albums, more truth and heart. It was a deep introspection into a changing time for her and a sharing with her new partner, Justin Vernon. The story behind this album (which to me is just as important as the music) puts it as one of the great Canadian albums of all time... for me anyways

1. Tallest Man On Earth - There's No Leaving Now - Stop comparing him to Bob Dylan. Bob was a hack and a copy cat, this album is deep, vulnerable, great guitar/musicianship and a strong flow. It will challenge the folk lovers and push the haters to listen deeper. There are layers upon layers and a whole host of risks that he took to get this sound and this depth. This is a singer song writter that deserves more then comparisons. Im hooked, there is not leaving now.

Thank you to all those who submitted albums into the world. Every chance and risk taken is more then most people take. You are all inspirational and deserve the album of the year.....

Thursday, 10 January 2013

Witch Doctor House Call: Strength is a lot of work

I am always amazed by the human body. There really are no short cuts. There are pit stops but no such thing as the magic pill. We need sleep, purpose, love, good food, laughter, stability, exercise, play time, meditation and thats about it.

I recently found myself sick for the second time in a few weeks. I was a wreck, coughing, fever, phlegm, not having fun. I instantly forgot all my training and could not remember what to do for myself. I remembered ginger and honey and lemon tea, and astragulus and I remembered to sleep, rest, do some simple Yoga. I just could not think of anything else.

It took me a while to recognize that I seem to have focused my energy and life on studying preventative medicine, not acute medicine. Ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Anyway, I have, for the most part, taken really good care of myself and not gotten sick. So when I was sick I was out of my element.

Prevention is an art that takes constant work.
- I put astragulus root in all my soups.
- I drink tea, herbal and green and lots of it.
- I drink hot water as it is really hydrating.
- I go to my yoga mat every day, to meditate, journey and to stretch and strengthen the body.
- I always listen to what my body is telling me and I take it seriously.
- I go to sleep at the same time every night (well some times I stay up late but not often).
- I get up early, not too much sleep.
- I do not drink alcohol, coffee or cigarettes (Often).
-  I have fun.
- I sing and dance.
- I laugh often.
- I eat well and I love my food.
- I drink water.
- I have sex almost every day but I do not ejaculate every time
- I work tirelessly to heal my heart of its wounds and to live a life free of anger
- I forgive
- I walk often and everywhere I can
- I move slowly
- I write and follow my dream everyday
- I create a budget so the stress of my debts do not consume me
- I write lists so the stress of what I need to do is not solely in my head
- I build friendships
- I say no
- I allow myself time to cry mourn and be upset, but a limited amount of time
- I diligently listen to others.  And always learn how to listen better
- I am kind to myself
-  I take rhodiola, passion flower and holy basil for my central nervous system
- I do everything I can. Including listening, learning, growing, changing and never stopping.

I am firmly reminded of the value of prevention and the power of being healthy. Not just o me but to my entire community.

And most of this cost little to nothing. There really is no excuse.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

To push or not to push....

It has been brought to my attention that I am a pusher and a visionary. This is a difficult combination to have and requires a great deal of delicacy.

Most of my life I have been able to see, quite obviously, where ill health is coming from. I can see it in a community, in a structure (physical or otherwise), I can see it in most peoples eyes. I can see if your anger is holding you back from your dream, or if your fears are controlling your life and not allowing you to move freely. I can see if a group of people are following a certain leader, I know who the Alpha person is instantly. I can see if a company will fail or succeed, move on or get squashed. I have usually been accurate in determining the length of a relationship or friendship. 
I do struggle to see all this in myself. Sometimes I seem to be able to observe others with such accuracy and miss the most obvious thing within myself. Its rather frustrating, and quite limiting. I can not help others if I do not learn how to help myself. I need to be healthy, strong and clear in my mind, free of fear and anger. I have to be in my heart, in fierce love. 
My biggest challenge in being in fierce love, in my heart center, is it triggers others. It has been my experience in life that when we do something, like succeed, others are bothered by their feelings of failure. If no one challenges their fears then I do not have to challenge my own. If no one looks within their pain, then I do not have to look at my pain. 
When I enter my heart center, I see massive shifts in the faces of my community, family and friends. It is a look of disbelief and uncertainty. Then the attacks or the projection of doubt. Is it selfish to be in ones heart center? Is it self involved? Are we separating ourselves from the co-dependant reality of community? Is it always there and am I just noticing it right now? 
are we doing our honest duty? Are we giving to the community the greatest gift one could? When I am in my fierce love state, I do not need others to prop me up, or be careful of what they say or do. I am in-power. I am complete.... well almost. I have never been fully in my heart center for long. I am human and have much to learn.
Here is the dilemma  I can not seem to find a way to be in fierce love, in my heart center, without my community, my friends and my family. It is an essential part of my heart. So when I am in fierce love, they seem to get distant, when I am needy they seem to be around. 
Is it all my perception? Is it too much to be in fierce love? Can i be in my heart center and not be affected by the reactions of others? Is that really a practice I wish to pursue? 
Together, all in our heart centers we can, have changed the world. 
World peace, harmony and unity comes when we are all in our heart center.

“We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves.” - Tom Robbins

Monday, 7 January 2013

Lost in the corner

She gently approached the antique record player in the corner of the room. Reaching for the spinning needle, she quickly realized she was too stoned to maneuver the needle without a loud slip. Everyone n the room looked her way as she screeched the needle to a halt. Stumbling through the records on the side she somehow got what she was looking for. She gently placed it on the record bed, flipped the switch and soft silk sang from the speakers. 

She was always like that. Finding grace in such clumsy moments. She was delicate and strong. A fascinating brilliance. She was a miracle and a part of my life. I got to witness the beauty and command she had. I got to feel her soft lips on mine every night. I got to hear her cry in lust every time I trusted myself into her. She is my love.

Sunday, 6 January 2013

Just because I am male does not mean you can treat me like shit....

Enough with the male bashing. Stop it!!! Can you not see that the young males of this world are struggling. They are wounded and beaten and tired. They have little to no direction. The Young Males are in trouble and all most can do is alienate them.

WE need help, love compassion and understanding, more now then ever. Our for fathers repressed women and themselves. They left us little to no heritage worth shit. We are untrained, unprepared for this world.

Have a look at yourself, your brothers, your sons. Have a look at your neighbors, the young males walking down the street. Ask yourself, am I judging them? Afraid of them?

Young males need love right now. They need to know they can be trusted, part of their community.