More Top 5s. Starting to have fun. For those who need help with this one, what I mean when I say Shadows is the weaknesses, insecurities, anything that is part of me, makes me who I am, that I love that are not shinny, clean and "socially acceptable". Go with me on this one....
1. Fear of Abandonment - I do not love half way. I love fully. When I love someone, intimately or socially, I have a tough time letting go. I understand the reality that some friendships and relationships are forever and some have an expiry date. I have learned that I can continue to love those who have drifted away in my life. I have learned that reciprocation is not a must from those I love. In fact if I love people freely, I get to love them more wholly. So many lessons from the fear of being rejected, left or abandoned.
2. Impatience - For people who know me they might say this makes no sense. I appear to be a very patient person. The truth is is that I am not patient at all. I am continuously frustrated by the slow progress of people, culture and humanity. WE have all we need to be happy and free yet we choose to stop/limit ourselves. We are surrounded by love and loving communities yet we choose to live in fear and in pain. It pisses me off. I have little to no patience with stupidity, ignorance or people who complain and do nothing about it. Impatience is a gift that I honor as it pushes me and helps me to push those around me.... sometimes a little to hard... still working on this one.
3. Selfishness - I deserve the best of this world. I know this. It does not mean that I get to be at the front of the line, it means I want to experience everything I can, including a healthy community, a strong and healthy environment and a peaceful culture. My selfishness has taught me about my need to work on helping the people and world around me. I can not be happy if others suffer. So I stop my own suffering, my own pains, my own unnecessary dramas and I share what I learn so others might get something from this experience.
4. Teeth - Shit I have bad teeth. I have spent more money on dentistry then any other profession. I floss, I brush, I clean, I do not eat candy, I get a cleaning done on a regular basis. I still have cavities, need root canals. Man I struggle with this one. It humbles me and keeps me grounded. It reminds me of the fragility of the human body. It keeps me connected to this world in a way nothing else does. I am grateful and honored to have this Shadow.
5. Heart - My heart does not beat well. It has not for a while. A few years ago I have a serious swelling of the pericardium and had to have someone surgically cut it. Since then my heart has beaten to another drum, literally. When I am tired, stressed, weakened for any reason, my heart beats fast and strong. It shakes my whole body, it moves at a high rate. My heart works hard, it pushes and tries to do so much.... it does not rest.
Phfew!!!! That was a tougher one then I expected.