I once dreamed that all I had to do was expect nothing more then kindness, respect and understanding from other people in order to have a low expectation of them.
Low expectations, I have been told, is the key to trusting others. It is the key also to not being disappointed and alienated from people.
So I went abut expecting low stuff. So I thought.
One day, when I was not paying attention, someone that I trusted and that I had these low expectations of shocked me with their total lack of caring towards me. They where mean, disrespectful and deeply non-understanding of my person. A real shock.
SO I was angry, hurt and frankly looking for vengeance.
AS I walked through these emotions I was confronted with the loud awakening of a question repeating itself.
"Where those expectations I had on that person really that low?"
"Do you meet those expectation of yourself?"
"Are you always kind to yourself, always respectful of yourself, always understanding of your limitations?"
Not always...
Well, shit. I guess I had higher expectations of others then I do of myself. I wanted others to do what I could not fulfill myself.
SO what to do?
I believe that to truly find forgiveness in others I must forgive myself.
I believe that in order to forgive myself I must accept that I am not perfect.
In order to accept my imperfections I have to lower my expectations of myself.
Sometimes I mess up. Sometimes I hurt others. Sometimes I make mistakes. Sometimes I am careless, dishonest, selfish, mean, disrespectful and so on....
I work hard to be a better person.
I work hard to be open and loving.
I now must work hard in accepting my limitations. In lowering my expectations of myself and of others around me.
It is time to accept that I am a work in progress.
And I have work to do...
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