This is not my story to tell. I mean it is only my perspectives and memories of the story. Cas wanted to be loved. He lost his mother to cancer a few years earlier and was lost. His heart was reaming with pain. He wanted nothing more then to be adored by anyone. He enjoyed Julia’s company, he loved that she loved him. He was not careful, nor honest. Hell he did not know himself what he was feeling or how to feel it.
It has occurred to me that there is a discrepancy in what we feel and what we are capable of allowing ourselves to feel. When feeling traumatized we do not have the capacity to feel fully what is happening. It is too much, overwhelming and the heart shuts the door to the brain so we can still cope with day-to-day living. Cas was in shock from his earlier life. He was lost, he was scared, and he was traumatized. If he were in a better mind and heart he would have talked with Julia. He would have said something like…
“I love you too Julia but I can not open my heart to you the way you deserve. I am hurting and in need of finding self love before I can offer you any love. I do not wish to lead you on in any way but I can not be there for you as I am barely able to take care of myself.”
Cas hoped Julia would say something like…
“I love you Cas. I see that you are broken and fragile. I see that you need love and care. I will honor you by being patient and loving and allow you the space to heal so that we can be together”
That is not how it went. Cas tried to show Julia how he was feeling. Julia was not a mind reader and could not guess. Julia herself had her own traumas and needs. It was a match that they should be together. They will show each other some of their shadows. They will reflect to each other what no one else can. They will love and hate each other; they will tech each other a great deal.
Everything is just perfect. The seeds where set for a brilliant adventure between Cas and Julia. There was plenty to be shared and plenty to be learned. I will not share with you every detail, as some are not my story to share. I will share what happened to Cas and Julia and some stories. Again this is my perspective and my idea of what happened. There are many questions that this adventure brought up for Cas. Many issues he did not know he had. Actually Cas believed he was on the brink of enlightenment. Julia then showed Cas the many dark secrets that Cas was hiding from himself. What a brilliant dance and mysterious adventure they are about to embark upon.
Chapter 2 – Genetic Hitchhiking