Monday, 22 October 2012

I'm a little scared

I'm not sure how to share this without sounding a little nuts. Like it really matters, we're all nuts.

I have been getting clearer and clearer messages from the universe that things are about to change and BIG time. Not sure what it is going to look like or how it is going to change. What I am clear on it that I need to share more about how to prepare for this change.

I have been on a weird path my entire life. Especially my adult life. I sent a great deal of time as an angry man masking it in intelligence. I thought if I out smarted everyone around me that they would not see the broken sole I was. I hated everyone, EVERYONE. If someone put a button in front of me to end the human race, I would have pushed it.

It took me many years, and a lot of searching, some burnt bridges, some lost friends, some disrespected teachers and healers to get to the realisation that I do not Hate humanity.

I hated myself.

I saw in people what I saw in myself. I saw a useless, broken weak, broke, tired person. Someone who did not care for others.

I remember the day I finally got this point. I had to do nothing that day except sit on a dock and cry. I had sent so much time trying to make the world a better place everywhere I went. What I did not realise is that I was missing the most important person.

I had to accept all my mistakes, all my sins, all my limitations, boundaries and pains. I had to take responsibility for how I feel. I had to actually accept that no one was ever gong to make me better, feel better, look better.

The changes coming are going to be easier for those who know that the most important thing in their life is their life. That every item in their closet, every device, gadget, tool is not really important.

I'm no expert. I really am figuring this out one day at a time. I still catch myself hating and being mean. I stop t when I catch it and deal with the reality. I choose peace. I choose love. I choose simplicity.

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