I exist

I am not my body, nor my mind.

I am not my education, my bank account or my status

I am not my pain or my joy.

I exist ebyond everything

That part of me that knows I exist, it is the most powerful part of me

No one can take it away.

No one owns it

No one can change it.

It is my true self

I exist to be my true self

I exist and that is enough

I have no calling or task or expectation greater

I am me and that is all I need to be

I only see the standing

I have been bullied and a lot in my life.

I ahve been physically humiliated, hurt and degraded by others who were more uncertain of themselves then I was

I have been manipulated, used and made fun of by those who hold more meaness and fear then I had at the time.

I have been lied to, cheated and had my kindness taken advantage of by those who have so much more financial wealth then me but have less self worth.

It is not a competition, nor do I ever really see who has more of anything most of the time.

What I see is people attacking kindness and love and open heartedness, and truth, and honesty and people who have self love.

I see not the bullies, I ignore them if I can. I see the people being bullied. They are the magical ones, the people that will change this world. They are the ones that will progress, show us a new way and open our minds and hearts.

If you have been bullied in your life consider it a confirmation by the universe that you are special (and not in that way that everyone is special, in that you are special among special people).

Stand up and shake those bullies shit off. Stand proud of who you are. Forget them and their attempts to keep you down. Forgive them, they need it.

Stand on your feet. Stand on your own two feet and show us who you are.

Fuck the bullies.... I only look for the people standing, not the ones trying to pull the standing people down. 

Manly Sex Talk: GO there...

Wherever you must go, go!!!

Whatever you must do, do!!!

As long as it does not go against someone elses will, go there.

Try it, it will free you, heal you, chalenge you, push you.

Sexuality is such a deep healing experience.

Ignoring your inner desires is not healing yourself

Your lust knows what it wants.

No one shall be intruded upon....

No one shall be forced against their will....

No one shall be tricked...

Then find someone (if you need another) and experience it.

If people around you dont like what you are going to do, then find others who accept you for you. Find people you can talk about it.

At the very least talk about it. You can learn so much about talking about things.

I implore you to go within and experience not what you think is expected of you, but what you want the most deep within you.

Be safe, have fun and open yourself.

Dear Gratitude

Oh dear Gratitude,

I know you are the bed I wish to lay in. I know that it is with you that I want to spend my hours. I want to fall in love with you dear gratitude. I know how sweet your fruits can taste, how nourishing your embraces are. Oh sweet gratitude, I am working my way to you.

My heart is finite, I can only give you the space I have free. So first I must make room for you. I have to clear out some old friends to make room for you in my heart. It is time to purge what no longer serves me, no mater how good it might have been to me in the past.

Farewell retribution. How you have filled my imagination and channeled my anger. How you have entertained me with scenarios of revenge. How we have conversed in the mirror, in my head, in the car. What might be only if I had the nerve....

Farewell depression. I have felt so comforted by your thick blanket of uncaring. I have felt safe when your dark gray hue passes over my life. How I have given myself permission to cry, be sad, slepp, oh shit how I have slept. I thank you and release you.

Farewell my need to be comfortable. You have saved me and made life seem easier then it was. You have given me reason not to fall flat on my face. You have hidden me from the dangers out there. You have left me alone but safe.

Farewell worry. You have been a bitch to me, a thorn in my side. Worry about too much that I have no control over. You are not my friend, you are released to be free of this inner battle. You win, I give in, now move on and go after someone stronger.

Farewell the need to be strong. I am what I am when I am it. It was nice to believe that I was strong but sometimes I am not.

Farewell to coffee. Ah you sweet black orgasm of power and thrust. You brilliantly dark and deep ass kicker. The reason tog et out of bed, for way to many mornings. Cream and all, I thank you.

Farewell to technology. I can only use so much, the rest distracts me. Thank you for entertaining me but I have a lot of work to do with Gratitude and must let you go now.

This is a start. might make one quarter of the room necessary for gratitude to have the space it needs to do its full dance in my heart. I have more to move out and on, I have more to let go of, I have more to mourn, I have more to release into the wind.

May we all feel more grateful for the world around us, every magical part of every day.

Shit deflectors on

It is very possible to get side tracked by other people shit they are flinging around. We can take some it on and fling it ourselves. Think of someone that pissed you off, or annoyed you. You go home and complain about it, vent about it, bitch about it, maybe even observe over it.

This is shit collecting. You have spent time on someone else issues, someone elses shit. You have collected it (not on purpose) and you have spread it out.

So what to do? How about those shit deflectors. I mean how does one not take on anothers shit?

First, if you have taken on someones shit, inadvertently, then get rid of it. Talk, vent, spit it out.

Second, practice not taking it on in the first place. This is a multi displinary practice. Many techniques are required.

Start by not adding to the shit. If someone is complaining, smile, listen but do not add to it by complaining yourself. If someone is venting then witness but do not take sides.

If you find yourself thinking about it, try to give yourself permission to let it go. Remind yourself that this is not your shit, you have enough shit of your own.

Mantra that works for me "I honor my shit and release that which is not mine"

Allow yourself permission to not care. Caring is essential but can not be done all the time. You can care about someone and offer compassion without taking on their shit. I like "that sucks" or "I hear you" as quick replies.

Really there are many techniques. Learn and practice your best techniques and for God/Goddess sake, share those techniques. We all need more, I need more. Share them here or on facebook or with friends and family. The more techniques the better.

Happy shit deflecting.

Blame Game

I see the cycle of madness. I see people complain about their taxes being too high, then also complain about the lack of government spending. I see people complain about wait times at hospitals, I also see them eating shitty food, living unhealthy lives.

I see people complain about the lack of progressive educational choices for their kids, but these same people do not want to work on their kids education at home.

I see eco conscious people talk the talk but not walk the walk.

I see the two deadliest sins on our planet, comfort and convenience running rampant.

We will sacrifice almost everything for comfort and convenience.

We sacrifice our dreams, our health, our community, our kids future for comfort and convenience.

 So what can we do?

Start by taking care of yourself. Make the wise choice. Eat good, local, whole foods.

Then look at what you need and what you want. Be clear on the difference. You need food, you want chips. You need clothing, you want brand names. You need a roof over your head, you want a large, modern house. You need community, you want to look good or look important in that community.

Keep learning about the difference between need and want.

Then play. Create. Allow yourself to express yourself. Practice it.

Make choices based on your needs, the needs of your family and the needs of your community.

Everything else is comfort and convenience.

????? Huh?????

I have no idea what to write about right now. I am stark out of ideas.....

I can go on about anything. I can offer perspectives on anything, my perspectives mostly...

But what to write about?

Got to be something challenging

Something truthful

and

Something Honorable

I just dont know what.

My love says I should write about her

Hmmmmm I just might.

Seeing Red

I have heard it said that there is a deep anger inside of me.

Well, that is right.

I am fuckin mad!

I am pissed at how we are all treating each other.

Seriously cold shit going on. Killing, stealing, name calling, lying, cheating, bullying. It is so bad that the economic model we all worship is supporting those traits by paying CEOs millions for doing this to us all.

I am pissed that we are not loving our neighbors more. Genuine caring for ourselves. Open sharing and healing and forgiving.

I am pissed that we are sold poison and told it is food.

I am pissed that we are trained to give away our power, as a young child, to authorities we have not met, nor do we have say in their mandate.

"It's the law!" They say and we are supposed to roll over and take it any way they give it to us.

I am pissed that someone can come and kick me out of my house, kick my family out of my house if I dont pay bills. Money is more important then my families health....

I am pissed that we lie to ourselves ever day, all the time.

I am pissed that we have not gotten together and created technology that frees us up so that we can create more music, more art, more laughter.

I am pissed that I have a reason to be pissed.

I am pissed that others are not as pissed.

Lets change this shit to something better. Something where Love is more important then anything else. That our communities are healthy and strong and flourishing.

We can only do that if we slowly stop doing what we do not like and start to do more of what your heart wants.

Be free to love life, love yourself and love others.

Build the life you want.

I miss my mom

Today is mothers day.

I am sending love out to all those who no longer have a mother with them on this planet.

Those whose mothers have passed

I miss my mother, she was a wonderful women who really helped me navigate this complex world for as long as she could. She loved me and I love her.

My mother loved ferociously, she loved me ferociously

My mothers love sustains me and will for as long as I live. I will pass on her love to others. She was a saint in my world and she deserve not just a mothers day but a mothers week, or month, shit she gets a mothers eternity.

Everyday is mothers day.

Soulful Repossession

I hereby renounce all my religious and spiritual practices.

I am not a shaman or a shamanic practitioner.

I am not a Christian or a Buddhist or a Taoist

I am not a Meditator or a Alternative Medicine Practitioner or a healer.

I am Kevin Alexander and proud of it.

Every spiritual practice and religion has and will for evermore gift me with healings.

I do not need to stand on a soap box and claim my participation in one belief over another.

I do not need to choose based on fear or convenience or comfort.

I allow myself to believe as I see fit for myself. I trust in my inner wisdom.

It is time though to be myself and honor my beliefs and stand in my power.

It is time to release all and any judgements of others, especially myself.

It is time that I pursue my own spiritual practice and trust in myself.

My religion and spiritual practice is learning how to not judge others, not matter what they do.

My religion and spiritual practice is to not judge myself no matter what I do.

I work and live in love, that is enough to know that my actions are the best they can be. 

This is a practice that does not require forgiveness or understanding.

It requires faith, that everything is just perfect. That everyone and everything is right where they are supposed to be and doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Is is a practice in acceptance of the world around me. I can not change others, or circumstances.

I can only take responsibility for my own actions. 

I take my life seriously. I enjoy it tremendously. I love it fully.

In the spirit of forgiveness the tone I wish to set is one of self forgiveness.

I forgive myself for all that I might have done or not done in love.

I forgive myself for all that I might have dropped or picked up not in love.

I forgive myself for all imbalances created or supported not in love.

I forgive myself for all ignorance or knowledge I carried not in love.

I free myself from all weight of the past and I move towards the dream I set for myself upon coming to this plain.

I am a wimp....

I admit it, and I am proud of it, I am a wimp.

I choose to use my head instead of my force to make change

I choose to use my heart instead of my fists to defend an attack

I choose to sing in place of yell

I choose to listen, to forgive, to understand, to care, to dance, to play, to move on in place of anger, control and dominance.

I choose to not use your weaknesses against you.

I choose to stand tall and strong and thank you for the teachings in place of blaming you for my pain

I am a wimp. I do not agree to violence in any manner.

This does not mean I let people walk all over me. Those who wish to be mean, hurtful, un trustworthy, deceitful, they get my appreciation for the teachings they bestow then they get to see me pass and move on in my life.

I choose to not let people control me through love not force.

I choose to move on, not seek revenge

I choose to not blame anyone for my place in life

I am a wimp according to some, but I dare those who use force to try the path of love. Its really tough and requires strength that force will never carry.

Forgiveness

This is going to be one of the riskiest posts I write. I do not want to pretend that I know a lot about forgiveness. I have not read any philosophical, psychological or self help books on the subject. I have never taken a weekend workshop in forgiveness. I just have had to forgive people in my life and in the process I have learned a few things that I want to share.

There are 4 types of forgiveness that I have run into.

1. Self forgiveness. Before you can forgive anyone, you have to forgive yourself for your role in the matter. Even if you did nothing obvious to create the situation, there is always some self healing to do. Practice with a mantra "I forgive myself" is enough. Say it over and over again, in your head, in the mirror, while you are driving out loud. Say it till you believe it.
There are many ways to self forgive, try to learn as many as possible, find your own, practice all the time. You can not forgive someone else if you do not forgive yourself first.

2. Mutual forgiveness. This is ideal. You have forgiven yourself, or really started to forgive yourself and the other person has done that as well. You meet and find common ground. This is great. An apology, an explanation, a retraction, a hug, a believable promise of change, a commitment to another way, a letting go. This is the enlightened way, the peace makers way, the truth seekers way. WE meet together. I find that when the parties meet it is wise to have a few techniques to heal. There are many techniques out there, do some reading and research. My favorite is simple "I" statements. Try to own your emotions by saying "I felt like this" instead of you made me feel this way. Come from your heart, expect nothing. Also I find this is best approached by the person who inflicted the most harm. If it is mutual infliction then be there first, it does not matter, it just matters that you move on. If one party was egregious, then they should take initiative.  It helps create safety.

3. No takers. One party does not want or is not ready to forgive or be forgiven. They avoid you, dance around the subject. Maybe they attacked you and continue to show signs of violence. You are not safe. Whatever the reason you can still forgive. Prayer of "love and forgiveness" is great. So is anger venting. Try going for a walk or drive alone and pretend talking to that person. Say your part. Do it often and see where your conversations take you. Write the other person without sending it. Get it out! Time will heal this wound. Eventually the context of you life changes and you no longer will want to hold that anger. Eventually the pain of holding on will become greater then the pain of letting go.

4. I must..... You work or live or exist in proximity with this person and can not avoid contact with them. They might still call you names or lie or whatever they did but you must let it go to save your life or livelihood or community. Try indifference, it works for me. When you have to be with that person and they absolutely refuse to change just lower your expectations of them. Ask nothing of them, only the necessary stuff. Mantras, prayer, everything you can do. These people will challenge you but if you live in anger you are not living fully. Do not give them power, give them your polite kindness.

Of course you could just do nothing and steam or repress. That is a disaster if you are wondering and if I have to explain why then you are reading the wrong blog.

Forgiveness  is an art. I am not very good at it yet. Any tips would be much appreciated.

My most important tip is keep it simple. Don't try and understand why the other person did what they did, you will never guess the full story. Let is go, find a way, its not worth it to carry around.

Peace and equality

Get in m y way and I will find another way

Knock me down and i will get back up

Hold me back and I will push harder then you have ever felt

Confuse me and I will find clarity

Annoy me and I will find peace

Attack me and I will heal

I am set in my heart

I am set in my dreams

If you are not with me then you are not with me

I am not doing this for the glory or the awards

I am doing this because I have to

Because I want to

Because I am dreaming it so

My life is not something I live, it is something I create

Every moment

Thick or thin, ups and downs, lights and darks....

I keep on keepin' on

Book of Sam release

I just released the first part of the first chapter of my novel "The Book of Sam"

Read it here

Chapter One

If you want to read the rest of the chapter, let me know and I will send it to you.


Enjoy!!!

When you give away your power you....

When you give away your power you risk everything for little gain.

When you believe your TV, church, school, authorities, government, you risk being destroyed for no reason.

When you look the other way, pretend not to see, make the "easy"choices, you ask to be broken down and controlled.

When you wait for others to heal you or for the pill to be discovered, or for your freedom to be given to you, or for your big break, you create disease within

When you tell yourself you can not do what you want to do you die

It is not worth it. None of this negative, giving away of power is worth it.

When you say "I can do anything I want" you risk actually doing what you want (sounds good to me)

When you say "I deserve to be happy, healthy and loved" You just might be all that

When you question what you do not understand, do not believe everything you read or hear, listen to yourself, trust your intuition, you risk being in control of your life.

When you stand in your power you risk being free, happy and lovefilled.

Loosing weight the fun way part 3

Important truths behind the veil of "Food"

1. Your food is not safe. The rules and laws in place do help make sure all of your food is safe but it also makes sure big agri-business has control of your food. Big business cares not about your digestive track, it cares about its share holders. Its not their fault. Big businesses are soulless. How could they have a souls they are not alive. The people running them though are legally required to put the share holders first. Not your kids bowel movements. The big businesses lie, so does the government. Its always been that way and will not change. Trust your local farmer, your neighbor, your garden and a few smaller integral companies. They are FAR more safe then trusting a trillion dollar industry that is out to be more profitable.

2. Treats are not food. Treats are treats. There is NO redeeming value to crappy food. Kraft dinner, even enriched kraft dinner is NOT food. It does not and will not sustain us. Food is food. Fruits, Vegetables, Meats (sometimes), nuts, grains, seeds, seaweed (especially seaweed), mosses all food. Chips, chocolate, pasta, orange cheese, banana splits, bacon (I know, that one hurts) and all that stuff. You do not have to stop eating treats, enjoy them, they are fun and tasty. Just know that when you are eating them they are not food. They are treats.

3. Enriched is bull shit. What more can I say. Food that is needing to be enriched is not food. Food is naturally enriched.

4. Cooking is not tough, just takes practice. I have trained highly delayed individuals who have IQs lower then 50 how to cook, and they did well. They also burnt stuff and made some bad meals... who cares, as long as you learn. Just keep learning and you will be a brilliant cook, or at the worst a decent one that can feed your family and yourself good, clean healthy, cheap food.

5. There really is no excuse for living off of crappy food (treats). It is cheap and easy and plentiful. Just do it. Your kids and yourbody will go through detox of the salt and corn sugar, but after that you will feel alive and strong and well and your brain will work better.... in fact you might be a little enlightened.