Music, writing, poetry, painting, what else?

So my creative constipation is over. I am fully engaging my creative side. I have my writing on this blog, I have 2 children stories, I have an album I recorded and I have several paintings including the one o n the top of this post. I love to create, I love to problem solve and find solutions. I love to be around others who love to create, who make the space in their life to create. I still have much to learn and I want to figure out how I can monatize my crestivity without compromising its integrity, not an easy task.

Any suggestions? How can one make money doing art and not compromise their work?

Listen To Album Here -

Kevin The Wolf

Break

I am tired. I have been putting blog posts out almost 2 a day for over a month. I have poured my heart and soul into it. I am tired and need a bit of a break. I think I will concentrate on my music for now. I will come back to this blog, stay tuned. Just needed to refresh and rethink where I am going with it.

Kevin The Wolf

http://soundcloud.com/kevin-the-wolf

My Solo ALbum

So I recorded this album on my I-phone using voice messenger.It is all solo, one take, free style, jam music. I do not think I can duplicate this music. I do not care to try. I like playing whatever I feel like.

Enjoy

http://soundcloud.com/kevin-the-wolf/20120108-191338

Witch Doctor House Call (Shhhh can be good medicine)

Shhhhhhh. Find the silence. Find a place away from the noise. No music, no city hum, no voices, no distractions. Sit with yourself in silence. Take time to think. Just think. Don't be afraid, your thoughts will be interesting, challenging and scary at times. Allow your thoughts to just do what they need to do, think. Process, digest and heal in silence. There is more wisdom is silence then anything I know.

The Best is Yet to Come

Stop the fucking presses!!!!! Humans have not peaked. We have just begun. Are you afraid of the changing climate, the diminished resources, the recession, the lack of snow or rain, the clean water, the safety of our food etc. Oh there are many things to be worried about but there are also many indications that humans are evolving, changing and quickly.

I truly believe that the best is yet to come. That we, as a species, are on the cusp of great change and a greater existence. I call it Head to Heart. From my perspective this is a time where slowly, more and more people are living their lives through their heart and not so much their heads. They are doing what they love, what they feel is right. They are not being logical or saving for the future. They are living in the moment, risking everything for their dreams. They are pursuing their dreams against all reason. They are forgoing education for experience. Art in all its forms is abundant and exquisite these days.

Every bit of me sees the changes coming. It is happening all around you. Open your eyes and talk to your neighbors, it is truly amazing how even our language is changing. This is a wonderful time to be alive, not an easy one, but a wonderful one. Change is hard and usually leaves scares.

We are now in one of the most fascinating times in our species history. I believe we as a species will learn to live in our hearts before we die in our heads.

The trick to failing

So I have failed a lot. I have failed in so many manners at so many things. I have insulted people by mistake, I have fucked up, I have felt guilt, shame and embarrassment. Oh boy have I messed up and sooooooo many times. I am very grateful that I have been so blessed with so many lessons.

I learned a while ago that if I do not take failure personally then it does not sting as much. If I see failure as a lesson, a gift from the universe, if I get pissed and yell at the universe then accept the fear, pain, loneliness, whatever and allow myself to feel how I feel and then learn from that feeling, then I can fail all the time. In fact I choose to fail more then succeed. Hell success is so boring. I choose to fail with grace and honor and learn my lessons and move on not to re-fail at the same task.

I build the foundation of my life on the lessons learned from my failures.

What is a Locavore?

Have you heard of this term? Locavore? Any idea what it is? My auto spell check does not recognize it. Wiki says its someone who is interested in eating local foods. That is so weak of a discription.

I am a locavore. I support local businesses, local companies, local ideas, local entrepreneurs, local friends. I donate to local charities. I choose to eat as much as possible in season and from local producers. I do not care if it is organic from 1000 miles away. I choose local organic first, then local.

I encourage everyone to try this. I am not 100% locavore. I am working to being 100% locavore, just not there yet. I believe it is the one honest and true lifestyle choice that I can make that aides the social, economic and environmental crisis. I am serious, after EXTENSIVE research I think supporting your local everything is the greatest action on can take to turn our social self destructive path around.

How good can your life really get?

I know all of you can envision how bad life can get. We are very aware of the pain, trials and tribulations we can experience in this life. We know loss, we can envision how bad things can get easily. Can you envision how good things can get?

To be truly in the moment we have to live between two worlds. As humans we live between two worlds. Spirit world and physical world, inside and outside, living and dying, awake and asleep, happy and sad, whatever the polars are it is a game of balancing each side and loving both sides and inviting both sides to be part of our lives.

What I am challenging myself to do is to envision how good my life can get so I can balance it between how bad things can get. I give myself permission to experience the brilliance, beauty and wonder of this world. I will adventure into the world of perfection.

This world is both perfect and imperfect as the same time, don't try and understand it, it just is both. Once we can see the perfection in the imperfection and the imperfection in the perfection, then we will be in the moment and what a moment to be in!!!!

Manly Sex Talk (Bad Sex or Good Chocolate?)

I feel like I am in a sex ed movie preaching abstinence. Let me make myself clear before I write my thoughts. If you wanna get laid, go get laid, if you wanna make love, go make love, if you wanna sit at home and eat chocolate, do it.

I am in my 30s and I still feel peer pressure about sex. Its weird, i do not care what others think of me for almost anything. I do what I feel and I do it with love, but love making, getting it one, man I feel pressure. I know where it comes from and what I need to do to get rid of the insecurities. I have to honor myself first. I have to find peace with my desires and wants and styles and limits and find someone who fits within those findings (but does not fit too well for being challenged sexually is fun).

SO the question is would you rather have really good chocolate or really bad sex?

ALbum of the Year for 2011

I love music. I give it all a chance, classical, country, hip hop, pop, alternative, I do no care what genre some media hack puts it into, if it is music I'll give it my time. There is a whole lot of brilliant music coming out into this world these days. It is so easy to produce an album and the technology allows for depth and experimentation without a large budget.

For my tasting what separates the good from the great albums and the great from the masterful is the degree of risk mixed with  determination with a side of vulnerability. There are few albums that I consider classics. Ones that will be with me for many years that I will return to and play over and over again. I love Glen Goulds Goldburg variations or Joni Mitchell's Blue. I listen to Pink Floyds Wish You Where Here and Bon Ivers For Emma and Forever Ago. There are many that I cherish and will have with me my entire life.

One new addition to the masterful list is Feists Metals. Holly shit is this a layered album with class, vulnearability, and brilliant song construction. It is new, and old, fresh and familiar. It carries me on journeys and allows me to check in and out. I was listening to this album recently and making dinner, I caught myself, more then once, stopping what I was doing and listening to the music. That is important in a masterful album, getting me out of task and pulling me into the moment.

Now I do have a bit of a crush on Feist. If I saw here in person I would have a mini panic attack. I have found the calmness within myself to talk to anyone without getting nervous but feist is one who would chalenge me on that point.

I truly believe that Feist is this generations Joni Mitchell. What a gift.

Have a listen  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnj8_aDBJT8

Oh sweet songs

It snowed here last night. It was a heavy, cover everything in white snow. I call it snow batter. It took me a while to get to work. I am truly honored to be working with the Northern Edge in Northern Ontario. While I was doing my rounds today, cleaning and preparing for the next 2 year shamanism group that is due this weekend, my dear friend Martha comes up to me on her cross country skis. Martha had taken a morning ski into one of the local trails. It was a mild winter day so she was a little flushed and had her winter coat open.

"I got a song" She tells me. I knew what she meant, this happens to me a lot. If I go for a hike or a walk in the forest I usually start humming or singing a song that I never knew before. I usually forget it and just go on with my daily life. Martha wanted to remember this song.

"No problem Martha, I am a witness"  Sometimes a witness is all you need to bring something from your imagination to reality.

Martha closed her eyes and started to sing. There are a very few times in my life that I am truly in the moment. It takes something magical, special and unexpected to really get me to let go of everything and be present. Martha's song was one of those moments. It is not my song to share, I will let her do that, but it was a song from the heart. For the few minutes as Martha sang the forest stopped making noise, the snow settled, the wind died down and there was this beautiful friend in front of me singing this brilliant song and allowing me to be a witness.

I am truly blessed.

Fuck the system spend it all!!!!

OK maybe a little harsh but hear me out. If I got a million dollars I would spend it all. If I earned, was gifted, found, won, inherited a million dollars I would put it ALL to use. I would not invest, save or put it under my mattress. Nope, no stocking, flipping, growing, dividing, mortgaging, lending, nothing. I would spend it all. I would by land, give to the needy and inspired, help people pay off debts, pay for courses and trainings for myself and others, travel, laugh and help others laugh. I would dance, have dances, party, have parties, breath, heal, help others heal, pay for their healing, help healers, over pay for sessions from body workers, enrich my trainings in everything I felt I needed to. Publish books and give them out for free or a charitable donation. I would spend my time helping local organizations get up off the ground in a sustainable manner. I would plant trees, lots of trees, buy canoes for those who do not have them. I would invite a large group of soulful friends on a trip into a secluded natural setting and dance around a fire under the moon light while sharing pains, pleasures and love. I would help the cold get warm and help the warm get cool. I would sing and play every instrument I could get my hands on. I would paint and sculpt and give it all away to anyone who wanted it. I would learn how to build and help others build their homes and lives.

You see I think that investing in banks and bonds and bullshit returns are a BAD investment. You wanna invest in something, invest in yourself and your community. I am not worried about my retirement. I know I will have a community of loving and healthy people around me to help with my elder stage of life. If I worry about the future and how I will take care of myself then I am not enjoying or making the most of this moment.

Fuck the system, spend it all. Build your present moment, experience a strong community and learn how to be healthy with people who are learning how to be healthy. You will be the richest person in the world, even after you burn through the million dollars you had.

I am not sorry...

I might be bold, a little too bold at times. I might come across as harsh, hard, egocentric. I might even offend you. I might piss y’all right off. I might even, if you are lucky, deeply disturb some of you.

Well… here is my non apology.  Apologies are sooooooo missued. Probably the most misused thing I know. Come on people, we say sorry for every little thing. How fucking rude!!!!! There are VERY few things that require an apology in my opinion. I can only think of 2 things.

1.     An act of intentional harm

2.     An act of extreme negligence and arrogance.

3.     That’s it…

All this “I’m sorry” for every little miss step, bump into, slight misuse of the voice, body or for nothing at all. We even apologize for stuff we had no interaction with. When I tell people I lost my mother when I was 17 to cancer they almost always say “I’m so sorry to hear that” I have no clue what they are apologizing for.

I honor and respect apologies as integral and essential medicine for living in a society of peace and honor. In an enlightened culture we do not give away our power by apologizing all the time.  We apologize as a sacred act. Something we are truly sorry for doing, we make amends and learn our lessons. We do not say sorry for things that we are not truly sorry for. This is one of the first steps I know in regaining our inner power and loving ourselves, WE STOP SAYING SORRY FOR EVERY LITTLE THING WE DO!

I am happy to be alone

I have been house sitting for this friend of mine in the deep forests of the Near North Ontario. Wood stove heated, solar powered, out house dependent, it is paradise! I am there by myself, all alone, no neighbors for miles, no TV, no radio, no cell reception, no internet. Just me and my mind and my demons and my spirits.

Last night I had a party for one. Great food, lots of music, some writing, some art work, some meditation, lots of reading and chanting, dancing, a bit of wine, maybe some smoke and smudge. What a party!!! I had a fucking blast. A truly great time by myself. I cried, I laughed, I sang, I sat and watched. I have no idea what time I went to bed or when I got up. I have no idea how much time I played music, how much time I listened to the wolves howl at the full moon? I don't care.

I am reminded of one of the qualities I am looking for in my friends and lovers. It is the sparkle in their eye that I know as being in love with themselves. It is that glow of peace, that simple smile, that deep groundedness that comes from truly loving oneself and loving being alone with one self.

If you can not keep yourself company then who can you keep company really?

Witch Doctor House Call (Healthfood store rules)

Imagine yourself in your local Healthfood store, eco store or even local grocery store. Now imagine walking down the isles, checking out the deals, what’s new, what looks good for dinner. You pick up a favorite product, put it in your basket and move on.

Now let me ask you 4 simple questions I bet you cannot answer;

1.     Is the packaging of that product recycled, or eco friendly?

2.     Who owns that company and where do the profits go?

3.     Where are the raw ingredients actually from?

4.     What’s the point of this product?

I can assure you that there are many questions facing Eco/Health products that need to be asked that I am not going to talk about. What I am going to talk about is what questions the Eco/Health companies do not want you to ask. Lets take a look at what I have found.

1.     Most companies use “main stream”, “non eco” packaging and WAY to much of it.

2.     Big companies like, Colgate, Clorox, Kraft and more have bought up many of the companies that are on the Green/Eco/Health shelves

3.     SO many “Local” companies import products from the other side of the planet. Consider the packaging, the local climate and what is in the package and ask yourself, how could I get my hands on local raw materials to make this product? Is it possible?

4.     What is the point of Organic Oreos? Or Organic Fruit Loops? Do you need them for any reason besides pleasure? Hey I’m not saying don’t enjoy them, I am just asking so you are aware of why you buy them. Don’t assume that if it is in a small independently owned health food store that Millions of dollars has not been spent on the marketing to try to convince you that you “NEED” this product

Start by asking the store employees. If they cannot find an answer then contact the companies VIA websites and contact info on the back of the product. Use common sense.  And remember, you hold all the power. The biggest companies in the world are afraid of you finding out the truth, they will change their practices if enough people ask questions they don’t want to answer.

Inner journey revealed

Many years ago while hitchhiking across Canada I had a conversation with Doubt one day in the wooded seaside of Salts Spring Isle. After an hour or so of conversation about the purpose of doubt I accepted a challenge from this spirit that it would teach me more of this world through doubt then through faith. So over the past ten years I have listened, fought, played with and ignored Doubt. It was a constant stress to have this challenge but an important one for sure. After all these years with Doubt in my head one of my helping spirits suggested that we invite Doubt to sit at our sacred fire and have a discussion about its place in my life. I journeyed many times and had many discussions with this spirit and Doubt.  After a lot of talking it was agreed upon that Doubt would hold a place in my world freely but only on the condition that it listen and respect all aspects of my spirit world. Doubt is to have a voice in any conversation it chooses to be important but not in all and every conversation.

Witch Doctor House Call (Bad for the skin)

Face to Face with the truth

Five years ago most Natural Cosmetics lines contained known carcinogens, toxic ingredients and poisons. I know this sounds harsh and alarmist, which is not my intention. I just wanted to point out that these “Natural” companies used ingredients that where known to be harmful. Companies like Kiss My Face, Jason’s, Toms of Maine, Avalon, Giovanni and many more. They used ingredients like

Parabens - Parabens are esters of para-hydroxybenzoic acid, from which the name is derived. Common parabens include methylparaben (E number E218), ethylparaben (E214), propylparaben (E216) and butylparaben. Less common parabens include isobutylparaben, isopropylparaben, benzylparaben and their sodium salts. The general chemical structure of a paraben is shown at top right, where R symbolizes an alkyl group such as methyl, ethyl, propyl or butyl

SLS - Sodium laureth sulfate, or sodium lauryl ether sulfate (SLES), is a detergent and surfactant found in many personal care products (soaps, shampoos, toothpaste etc.). It is an inexpensive and very effective foaming agent

Peg - Polyethylene glycol (PEG) is a polyether compound with many applications from industrial manufacturing to medicine. It has also been known historically as polyethylene oxide (PEO) or polyoxyethylene (POE) depending on its molecular weight, and under the tradename Carbowax.

Perfume - About 95 percent of the chemicals used in fragrances are synthetic, petroleum-based compounds. For people with allergies or multiple chemical sensitivity (MCS), these chemicals can lead to allergic reactions like sneezing, itchy watery eyes, wheezing and headaches.

Most of the companies have stopped using these ingredients and I have heard the formulators, owners and CEOs of all of these companies exclaim at one point that this is all a passing fad, soon everyone will forget about this and we can start using them again.

 Do not stop fighting for safe products. Food, soap, water whatever it is it can be clean.

HEY YOU!!!!!! Be Still

Oh boy people. I am getting inspired. I can feel the second wave of crazy words, rantings and gifts. I have no deep messagees, foolish sharings and profound nonsence to bestow upon anyone. You can come to my blog, you can read, you can comment but can you honestly say that there is any reason for any of this? Are you looking to me for any anwers? Are you even looking for answers?

Be still. Be still in your minds. There are no answers. There are infinate questions and every answer leasds to more questions. It is a cycle of distraction that misses the point all together. Be still.

THere is nothing to search for, nothing to be, nothing to change, nothing to do. There is no God, no Goddess, no punishment, no life after death, no life before death, no time travel, no aliens. There is now. There is the sweet nectar of stillness, of pausing, of stopping. There is the undeniable essence of perfection all around you right now. In the glow of the computer screen, the smell of the room, the sounds that fill your ears. There is nothing better then this moment. There is nothing found here that is not found anywhere else. It is all in front of you, around you, in you. It is the beating of your heart, the sound of your breath, the feeling of air pass through your lungs.

If you are reading this you are missing it. Go out and be still.

My 2011 resolutions revealed

I have been taking this course from the Northern Edge. It is a 2 year adventure into self discovery and community building.  Last year they asked me to put together a 2011 New Years dream list. I did and I think I did very well. I am in better shape, I love my job, I am on track to be debt free this year, I have a ton of friends and my family is a great part of my life once again. A truly magical year.

Dream List 2011

The universe supports us as we take the time to be clear on our intentions.  I invite you to take some time to dig within and discover your dreams.
1.    What would I like to have happen in my life this year? Stable Career goals
2.    What would I like to do – things I want to accomplish? I want to be in better physical shape
3.    What areas of growth would I like to focus on? Self Discipline in meditation
4.    What beliefs or attitudes would I like to change? That I am alone and The world is bad
5.    What problems would I like to see resolved? Family relationships
6.    What decisions would I like to make? Where to live, what to do for $
7.    Where/how can I be of service to others?  The planet? Involved in Community
8.    What would I like to do in a new way? Personal care
9.    What didn’t work well in my life this year that I would like to change? Finances, change it by being more disciplined and allert
10.    What did work well in my life that I would like to continue? Spiritual advancement, continue to keep on keeping on

My Action Plan
From the Dream List choose 3 goals/dreams that are the most important to you right now.  Write them as though they are happening NOW!
1.    First Goal: Physical Condition needs to improve
Make a weekly plan with a trainer at the YMCA to get into better shape
2.    Second Goal: Career and life planing
Spend time communing with the spirits and journeying to develop a written plan

 3.    Third Goal: Connect with people and Family
Continue to make efforts to connect with family and put myself out there with cvolunteering and commitments.

Cleaning the Closet
Before starting new projects in our lives, it is important to make room for them.  Consider these questions:
1.    Is there anything that is depleting me that no longer serves me? YES, being a protected child and being alone
2.    Is there anything I need to let go of? The past, atleast the amount of time I spend thinking and reacting about it
3.    Do I need to forgive someone in my life or myself? Yes my Father.

Gotta love it all!!!!

“Nature is not infallible. Nature makes mistakes. That's what evolution is all about: growth by trail and error. Nature can be stupid and cruel. Oh, my, how cruel! That's okay. There's nothing wrong with Nature being dumb and ugly because it is simultaneously--paradoxically--brilliant and superb.” – Tom Robbins

For every shining light there is a dark shadow. How can we ever find peace on this planet or in our own homes if we do not find the peace within ourselves to accept our shadows? We all have skeletons in our closets, bad habits, triggers, reactions, traumas, fears, anger, expectations and more that we try and hide or are ashamed of. Is it wise to love your light and not your darkness?

Why do we search for happiness? Why try to put that emotion over any other? If we try and look only for happiness then we are neglecting so much within ourselves and thus around us. If we look at the whole self and learn to love our whole self then we are able to love the whole world, shadows and all.

I am alive

I have been stoned. I have been in trances. I have been in love and lost in infatuation. I have felt the deep fluttering and panic of excitement. I have been in the wild, alone, in stillness. I have been surrounded by friends and family. I have been weak, strong, big, small, every emotion under the sun. I have felt much and experienced plenty. I can now tell you I have found my favorite drug. My favorite enhancer of experiencing this world. It is being in the moment.

Sounds a little cheesy, kinda Zen. It really isn't to me. There is no method or rules to being in the moment. Actually if I am following some rules or techniques then I am not in the moment. I do not think I have ever been fully in the moment, I have been close and get closer all the time. All I have to do is let go of control. I stop trying to affect the world around me and accept it for what it is. If I truly believe that everything is perfect then there is nothing I can do to change it either way. This allows me to observe the world around me without prejudice. I am not trying to see something, I am seeing what is there. I am not trying to make it better, or ignore it, I am fully open and accepting of it all.

I am not in this state all the time. I get triggered, I get angry, I get excited, I get ungrounded, I get lost. The state of being int he moment is something I come back to when I get lost or fixated on something.

There is no more amusing drug as being in the moment.

Lessons for the enlightened ones

I was honored this past week to be able to work with a family from England. One of the family members was a young boy, age 3. He was a brilliant soul, able to speak English and Russian with ease. He loved to laugh and he always made sure the entire family was included in every activity. He would play vigorously with such care for his environment. He was a pleasure and a gift to spend time with, a rock star in the making.

Upon returning from a dog sledding adventure I gifted this young Buddha a large cup of hot chocolate. Well this was a revelation. Apparently he had never indulged in the world of hot chocolate. He was in instant paradise. He looked over to me when I handed himt he cup and said.

"What is dis?"

"Hot Chocolate. You like it?"

"Oh Hot Chocolate is nice. It is better then hard chocolate"

He proceeded to consume the entire cup until he fell asleep with a little bit of chocolate on his chin. That was it, his first love revealed. This brilliant soul had been corrupted, like so many before, by the intoxicating melange of chocolate, milk and heat.

Later in the night when we sat for dinner this well rested friend sat at the table cross legged. He put his hands together in front of his heart, in a prayer position and started to make a low grumbling sound. He did this for a few minutes uninterrupted.  THe entire table started to stare at him unsure what he was doing but intrigued by this young boys determination.

His mother broke the silence, "what are you doing?"

"SHHHH" he gave a stern look to his mother, " I am praying for hot chocolate."

The gift had been given to the family. WE laughed till we could barely breath. WE where all on the ground rolling in tears. The young boy had not even broken his posture. He was still chanting tot he gods of hot chocolate.

I was then remionded that prayer for me is not something of seriousness, or fear. There is no formality I am concerned with. I just want to honor the simple pleasures in life, for it is in the simple pleasures that all the really cool gods and goddesses live. It took a three year old to remind me.

It is in the hearts of the young that truth resides.

Be Kind To Yourself

Someone asked me what self honor is. I can not explain something like that in a quick blog post so I am going to come back to this question a few times. I want to start by saying that I know how to honor myself, or at least I am learning how to. I am no expert, just sharing what I have expereinced.

Be kind to yourself. Shit, we all make mistakes, we all let ourselves and others down. We all piss people off. We all hurt ourselves and others. Everyone has traits and habits and behaviors they do not like in themselves. Be kind. Give yourself permission to be a work in progress. Forgive yourself first and above all else. Say nice things to yourself. Be gentile with your shadows/insecurities.

It is not a great world to be a part of if everyone is hard on themselves. I find the greatest way to honor yourself is to give yourself permission to be you, in all your brilliance and struggles. I find inspiration in the people who accept their insecurities, flaws, weaknesses, pains, triggers, whatever.

Be kind to yourself this year.

"There is nothing to fear within yourself"